Some gross stuff (not by me)

 
 SICK SHORT OCCURRENCES
 
 The following are excerpts from various American medical
 journals...Prepare yourself, they are pretty amazing and gross
 (but all are true). You have been warned!!!!
 
 INNER SKELETON
 A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, Brazil,
 suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a
 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade earlier.
 It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from
 her body.
 
 FEMALE SOFA
 A 500-lb. woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital. During
 the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime
 was found under one of her breasts, and a remote control was found
 lodged between the folds of her vulva.
 
 OUCH!
 A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in
 bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and
 the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained
 to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner.
 Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer
 oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which
 caused her to clamp down on the man's member and wrench it from
 side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and
 stabbed her in the head until she let go.
 
 BABY CHICKEN
 A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency
 room complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, doctors
 found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety pins.
 Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a chicken. The
 woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that
 they would grow into a baby.
 
 SEX EDUCATION
 A California doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains
 asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she wasn't. A
 later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why she
 said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied "I'm not,
 I just lie there." When asked if she knew who the father was, with
 a puzzled look she replied, "No. Who?".
 
 BLIND DRUNK
 A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe
 pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
 would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A
 nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success.
 Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not
 have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out
 the membrane of his cornea.
 
 GROWING SEASON
 An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of green
 vines growing from her vagina. Investigation revealed a large
 potato trapped in her womb. The woman then suddenly
 remembered that she had inserted it two weeks previously,
 because she thought that her uterus was falling out.
 
 PRICKLY PAIR
 In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis.
 He complained that his wife had "a rat in her pussy" and it bit him
 during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
 she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
 
 LAST STAND
 A Cambridge man hobbled into the ER complaining of a permanent
 erection. He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba, he
 frequented many brothels, and in one he was given some erectile cream
 to keep him hard. He was told to use it sparingly. However, since he was
 having so much fun, he kept using more and more. By the time he came
 to the ER, all the blood vessels in his penis were swollen and his
 testicles had ballooned in size. Doctors could do nothing except
 prescribe pain killers, and told him that it would return to flaccidity in a few days.
 They also told him to enjoy his erection while it lasted, because it was
 going to be his last.
 
 JUICY LUCY
 In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her vagina.
 She thought it might have something to do with the diaphragm that her
 doctor had recently given her. "I followed all the instructions to the
 letter," she told her doctor, "and used it with the jelly". When asked
 which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "grape".
 
 BRUSH AFTER MEALS
 A very unhygienic patient was being treated by two nurses for a burst
 vein in his stomach. While changing the dressing, one of the nurses
 screamed. They saw maggots crawling down the man's chest. They had
 been breeding between his teeth, and smelling the open wound, decided
 to feed further down his body.
 
 CALL THE BUM SQUAD!
 A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a hemorrhoid
 problem. One painful pile would often hang down from the man's anus and
 he was in the habit of pushing it back up with an artillery shell.
 On this occasion, the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it
 but the man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called in
 the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around the man's
 anus to defuse the shell so it could be removed.
 
 KLINGONS AROUND URANUS
 A 20 year old man came to the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He
 said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix,
 when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus
 using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and
 pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum
 was removed... along with a stray Ping-Pong ball.