From daves@statenet.com Fri Jan 15 15:00:32 1999
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 14:23:15 -0800 (PST)
From: Dave Smith 
To: The Bushmaster 
Subject: PIE-OFF!!!!!!!!!!! (fwd)




---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 16:42:18 -0800 (PST)
From: Jason Patrone 
Subject: PIE-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!


Okay...here are the specifics of the contest:

Same rules as last year; eat as much nasty shit (aka Home Run (TM) pies)
as you can in thirty (30) minutes, followed by a 1-3 (yet to be determined) 
minute "grace period."  Contestants must keep the pies INSIDE their stomachs
during the entire 30 minutes AND the grace period.  However,  His holiness, 
Archbishop Smith, in His infinite wisdom, has suggested that if a contestant 
vomits, he/she may continue only after re-eating the pies and whatever other
contents have been "evacuated."  He has also stipulated that if a contestant
evacuates upon Scott Soriano, he is likewise granted clemency.  

I, being the most gracious host and all around "good-guy," will supply a
portion of the pies.  However, EACH contestant MUST BRING HIS/HER OWN
SUPPLY!!!  I suggest bringing however much you think you can eat, because NO
one, except Hansen (and definitely not Jamaica White) will ultimtately ingest
what the say they can.  

Finally, and I cannot stress this enough, the Right Holy Archbishop Dave
Smith Jr. is the Final Word, Lawmaker and emmcee of this competition.
Failure to comply with his Word will result in immediate disqualification and
surrender of all alcohol you might have brought.

Alcohol consumption is encouraged, though anyone caught with:

a) microbrews 
b) cider 
c) wine costing more than $3 a gallon 
d) water 

will be penalized.  
                 
The date of the contest still has to be determined.  Naturally, it wil be held
at the glorious U Street Gentleman's Club.

Thank you and good luck.









From daves@statenet.com Fri Jan 15 15:00:48 1999
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 14:23:26 -0800 (PST)
From: Dave Smith 
To: The Bushmaster 
Subject: Re: PIE-OFF!!!!!!!!!!! (fwd)




---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 17:21:32 -0800 (PST)
From: Richard Hansen 


I don't mean to be picky, but the rule "eat-your-vomit-and-you're-not-
disqualified" rule was my idea. Dave, more accurately, was the only 
human alive who could ever take advantage of such a rule waiver 
during last year's peep-off.

Also, I'm the one who suggested the chunder de la Soriano. This originated
during the first Sacramento peep-off when the little anarchist kept
getting between me and the chunder bucket.

I will also add that you we're supposed to LET SORIANO KNOW that 
he was chunder bait. Now he'll be on guard.


Another rule suggestion: Since it seems the odds are "weighted" 
(ha, ha get it?!) in favor of one competitor, it seems appropriate
to throw an element of chance into the mix. Each contestant has a 
weakness: I hate the pineapple pies; Jamaica Bob White (Tim) hates
lemon, etc.

We should unwrap all the pies and lay them out on a table, internal
contents unknown. That way, depending on the kind of pies a contestant
gets, it will slow and speed his or her progress. FUN! FUN! FUN!



-- beercan



From daves@statenet.com Fri Jan 15 15:01:03 1999
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 14:23:35 -0800 (PST)
From: Dave Smith 
To: The Bushmaster 
Subject: Re: PIE-OFF!!!!!!!!!!! (fwd)




---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 17:40:31 -0800 (PST)
From: Robert McKeown 

>I will also add that you we're supposed to LET SORIANO KNOW that 
>he was chunder bait. Now he'll be on guard.

Make that "*weren't* supposed to let Soriano know" -- Too bad he'll know; I 
kind of like the idea of him wondering why the hell everyone is fighting to 
get at him with puke dribbling out of their mouths.



From daves@statenet.com Fri Jan 15 15:01:19 1999
Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 14:23:42 -0800 (PST)
From: Dave Smith 
To: The Bushmaster 
Subject: Re: PIE-OFF!!!!!!!!!!! (fwd)




---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 14 Jan 1999 17:49:55 -0800 (PST)
From: Jason Patrone 
Subject: Re: PIE-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!



Oh! My dear, Mister Hansen!  I apologize for trying to BE IN CHARGE FOR FIVE
F**%%&ING SECONDS HERE - A THOUSAND PARDONS FOR NOT PATTING YOU PROFUSELY ON
THE BACK FOR WRITING THE VOMIT RULE!!! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GOT THE MEMO, BUT
IT READS THAT YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A STUPID CONTESTANT WHO WILL BE
SMITTEN RIGHT QUICK IF YOU EVER ADOPT THIS SNIPPY TONE WITH ME, THE HOSTESS
WITH THE MOSTESS,  AGAIN.  NOW, IF THERE'S NOTHING MORE I CAN DO FOR YOUR 
HIGHNESS (A COLD BEVERAGE PERHAPS?), I WILL GO BACK TO COMPOSING THE RULES AND
TRYING TO MAINTAIN A SEMBLANCE OF ORDER HERE, OK HON?  

LOVE, PATRONE



 


On Thu, 14 Jan 1999, Richard Hansen wrote:

>On Thu, 14 Jan 1999, Jason Patrone wrote:
>
>>
>>Okay...here are the specifics of the contest:
>>
>>Same rules as last year; eat as much nasty shit (aka Home Run (TM) pies)
>>as you can in thirty (30) minutes, followed by a 1-3 (yet to be determined) 
>>minute "grace period."  Contestants must keep the pies INSIDE their stomachs
>>during the entire 30 minutes AND the grace period.  However,  His holiness, 
>>Archbishop Smith, in His infinite wisdom, has suggested that if a contestant 
>>vomits, he/she may continue only after re-eating the pies and whatever other
>>contents have been "evacuated."  He has also stipulated that if a contestant
>>evacuates upon Scott Soriano, he is likewise granted clemency.  
>
>
>I don't mean to be picky, but the rule "eat-your-vomit-and-you're-not-
>disqualified" rule was my idea. Dave, more accurately, was the only 
>human alive who could ever take advantage of such a rule waiver 
>during last year's peep-off.
>
>Also, I'm the one who suggested the chunder de la Soriano. This originated
>during the first Sacramento peep-off when the little anarchist kept
>getting between me and the chunder bucket.
>
>I will also add that you we're supposed to LET SORIANO KNOW that 
>he was chunder bait. Now he'll be on guard.
>
>
>Another rule suggestion: Since it seems the odds are "weighted" 
>(ha, ha get it?!) in favor of one competitor, it seems appropriate
>to throw an element of chance into the mix. Each contestant has a 
>weakness: I hate the pineapple pies; Jamaica Bob White (Tim) hates
>lemon, etc.
>
>We should unwrap all the pies and lay them out on a table, internal
>contents unknown. That way, depending on the kind of pies a contestant
>gets, it will slow and speed his or her progress. FUN! FUN! FUN!
>
>
>
>-- beercan
>
>